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I call it “SOMEDAY” – when your kid leaves for college again

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Many years ago, when my oldest son was a toddler, I was watching a show on Oprah about Empty Nester’s.  About half way into the show, I became somewhat hysterical.  At the time, I had a UPS driver who was kind of excitable but loved Billy to death.  SO, that particular day, my driver came in to see me falling apart and all I could say was “Billy” and sobbed uncontrollably.  Well, Ricky, our driver, a good ole boy from SC was scared to death and ran to his nursery to see Billy cooing.  Puzzled, but relieved, he came downstairs to me to see what was my problem.  I continued my crying fest, wailing “SOME DAY”, still overwhelmed with what it was going to be like when my sweet little son went off to college.   I was hormonal (pregnant again) but still, that show hit me like a brick.  Luckily he was pretty close when he went off to school but it was pretty hard none the less.  My kids loved the story and would always tease me “Mommy, Someday” and fake tears.  Trust me, it always got me started and them a laugh.

Flash forward to now.  After a really nice summer we get to say goodbye again to our son.  It really is hard to let go of the deep love for them when they leave.  You find yourself looking around the corner, expecting them to trample down the stairs and miss the socks on the floor, although not that you have to smell them to see if they never got into the drawer (God forbid) or onto the foot.

We have had to take extra care with my son because of issues with both ADHD and the crippling difficulties he some times had in his high school starting, finishing, not restarting homework or papers. He has medical issues too so he has had to take off time on Medical Leave to get everything in control.  Yet I am really amazed at how well his University works with him.  They have excellent services and even though the student has to go and make the appointments it sure is different that when I was in college.

On many other levels, we have also had an excellent summer because this year we decided, due to medical issues, that it would be better if he didn’t work. That was of course after he did not make a deadline to get back to the company that was going to hire him.  (Another difficulty with ADHD students, remembering to check their phone, appointment calendars and messages).  “Take the semester off, you deserve it” my husband said.  So in many ways, after years and years of numerous AP classes and year round studies, we all felt that the pressure of an Ivy League school wasn’t pretty and he needed to face the start of the new fall semester fresh.  (Boy are his classes hard – I know, my husband and I sat in on one and thought the math professor was definitely speaking in foreign tongues, but alas – Calc5).

So instead, he helped me tremendously with our new website, with his own hours until he found his own routine, let his hair grow and stopped biting his nails.  I am fairly certain too that he played enough video games to NEVER touch them again (though he is good about not doing so at UPenn),  He also learned (because there are consequences after all) that working like he did for a small amount of money wasn’t as good as what he will be able to do in terms of a salary when he graduates.  Good lesson for a Millennial who would have LOVED to gone clothes shopping for new clothes for back-to-school, when the clothes you like are totally different than the ones you can afford. Although he never had any doubts about wanting to finish college, I believe he was learning that budgeting is different that all the things you truly want. (He’s actually quite good at it).

So, for the first time, my son really took off from studying – likely when school became super serious for him>  For example, in 2nd grade he took 6th grade math and read on an 8th grade level.  He was always pushing himself, competing with his other academic friends which was good.  He did a lot of work for me this past vacation, even helping with packing orders, and learning to prepare meals then cook them rather than me having to think about that during the week, was a great relief for me. Next summer he is doing an internship and like his past full time job at Disney, will be doing the 9 to 5 but honestly, he is so excited to be doing it in a field that he loves – building robots and mechanical engineering stuff for a mapping image company.  I am sure with each paycheck he will be going to the stores and checking out the clothes and then running over to the outlet malls and putting the math together of how much time it took him to earn that shirt.

A talk this week with a customer raising 4 girls (omg, the wedding costs) made me realize that our generation never really got the lessons in finance but in my house, if we wanted something, we worked for it.  I loved skiing – and from the time I was 13 when I made $.88 cents an hour plus tips, every ski ticket I bought cost me x amount of labor.  I am glad he took off time to learn this valuable lesson – true he didn’t work a full forty hours a week but he did learn that video games get boring and clothes are expensive.  This year, he also will live in a dorm suite with less cafeteria time and more in room kitchen cooking.  I know he is going to do great.  But, “someday” is back again and we will miss his smile every morning.  Well, his idea of morning that is.

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Its Official: I am now a Mother-In-Law

/ Billy's Wedding, Home, Life / 0 comment

This past week, one of my customers called me because she had her bridal shower and EEEK – she complained about her soon-to-be Mother-In-Law.  So, with my incredible sense of wisdom that comes with this business (LOL), I told her how when I was first married, my mother-in-law was such a strange thing to me. I didn’t really know how to handle her.  She was an awesome person and in fact, I knew her for years though my husband and I only dated for 5 months before getting married, but yet, being on the “inside” of their family traditions was very different indeed. It took a bit of getting used to her ways and finding that learning those traditions they held dear to them were likely pretty important to my new husband as well.  Looking back on it however, I find she was a great role model for making my new memories with my new daughter-in-law.  Sadly, we live almost 2000 miles from my son so our interactions are less frequent but I remember so many of the things Marion would do to include me in decisions.

But this new bride to be was really struggling, and crying as her shower ended up being a hot mess with the MIL really giving her a hard time about EVERYTHING.  So, I put on my newly acquired “hat” of a MIL and gave her the best advice I could give her:  Someday, she won’t be there and chances are, you will wish everyday she was.  Most importantly, I told her that it will take a bit of time to get into the groove of a relationship and know what makes her laugh, and their family traditions and so forth, but most importantly, to get along with her because after all, pleasing her will ultimately make your husband happy.  I also cautioned her however that leading up to the wedding will be hard for her because (and knowing this from experiencing the same myself) she will be losing her son.  It even goes deeper than that as well – especially when a baby is in the picture – because as sexist as this is going to sound, it’s you that usually goes to your mom about things such as where pots and pans go in the cabinet (beside the stove) and not the sink (because that’s what he thinks).  So, there won’t be the interfering as much with some of the traditional (and non-traditional) roles that you and your husband will have but experiencing what makes for good bonding is to use her as a way to learn more about your husband and family traditions as those will become important as you start your family of your own.

My mother-in-law sadly got ill while we were in our 40’s and for me, that was hard seeing my husband go through such a profound sense of loss, one which I would experience the following decade when my mother passed.  But I often think of the kindness she showed me those first few years of marriage as I try to relate to my new “daughter” which Marion was so good at making me feel like one of her own.  She showed me a deep sense of patience and kindness and acceptance although I am sure there were times she rolled her eyes about me.  So, with her wisdom, I chart a course for my future relationship and hope with patience, I develop that same with mine.with-my-mother-in-law

 

You know how your kids surprise you all the time?

/ Billy's Wedding, Life / 0 comment

Well, this guy, my oldest son gives his dad and I a call a couple of weeks ago. Asked us to not say anything until he was finished and proceeded to tell us that both he and his fiancee moved up their wedding date.  I mean BIG TIME.  To like this month!!  SO, what’s a mother to do?  Smile and say, “it’s fine”.  (Well a little pleading on my part.  I tried to make the point that his younger brother will be in the middle of mid-terms at UPenn, and with school for him, that wasn’t good news.  SO, my youngest will go to Denver for only 12 hours.  Better than not coming).

I suppose that it’s easier for them to get the wedding out of the way and heck, I’m always up for a party.  Then in August, we will have the reception in Reno.  Will be nice visiting my old Alma Mater (Denver University).  Stay tuned!!

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The Inauguration and Fashion

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Today we witnessed the pageantry of the Inauguration where the very best of our unique American Republic was on display. The peaceful transition of power we witness with every new administration with all three branches of government and both political parties participating is exciting to see. We are also excited to see the fashion choices of the First Ladies and former First ladies and their children over the years. Of course, we notice the children, such as the Trump grandchildren who looked adorable this time, and the Obama sisters last time and Amy Carter back in 1976.

But the First Ladies are the real stars. John F. Kennedy once said “Two years ago, I introduced myself in Paris by saying that I was the man who had accompanied Mrs. Kennedy to Paris. I am getting somewhat that same sensation as I travel around Texas. Nobody wonders what Lyndon and I wear. “Everyone talked about what Jackie wore. The most fashionable of all First Ladies, Jackie Kennedy wore a cloth coat when almost all the women around her were in fur coats, standard for ladies at the time. The contrast made her stand out even more than she usually did. She remains the standard bearer for White House fashion. First Ladies in modern times have used American designers for Inauguration Day activities, which are a celebration of America.  Mrs. Obama used J Crew for the girls and chose Jason Wu, a US based label, for herself.  We always admired the fact the Royal Family, particularly the Queen and Princess Kate use British designers almost exclusively and are certain that this will be the rule with our new First Lady.

Melania Trump looked stunning during the day in a sky-blue outfit designed by Ralph Lauren. She may be the only First Lady before or since to come anywhere close to the fashion icon status enjoyed by Jackie Kennedy, although we think she will never be eclipsed. Melania struck an equally outstanding figure in her gorgeous evening gown for the Inauguration Balls. High fashion on a day of high pageantry.  At the Inaugural ball, Mrs. Trump wore a gown by Herve Pierre who was a former designer and creative director for companies like Vera Wang and most recently, Carolina Herrera.  We are looking forward to seeing what designers she uses in the future and with luck, is there a future White House Wedding?  (Hello, Tiffany Trump, you and my son both attended the University of Pennsylvania, President Trump’s and Pop Pop Hyland’s alma-mater (both Wharton) as well.  Pegeen Flower girls look great at a wedding!)

Made in America

American designers such as Pegeen.com are known for their attention to detail.

American designers, such as Pegeen.com, are part of the new revolution that has been set by the former and current 1st Ladies.  The newest slogan we love  “Buy American, Hire American”.

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Design Shop | Pegeen ~ Located 1 mile from Disney World, Selling online and shipping worldwide. Call us for design help! 407-928-2377

Pegeen.com Weekend Design Studio

Pegeen.com Weekend Design Studio

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The Army – Navy Game is Much More Than Just a Football Game

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The Army – Navy Game is Much More Than Just a Football Game

“On the fields of friendly strife are sown the seeds that on other fields and other days will bring forth victory.”

General Douglas MacArthur

Every year in early December the Cadets of Army meet the Midshipmen of Navy for a football game where the very best America has produced is on display. These young men on the field are cheered on by the entire Corp of Cadets and the Brigade of Midshipmen, men and women who are committed to serving their country for five years after their four year stint at the service academies. Upon graduation, many of them go straight to the battlefields of Afghanistan and Iraq as Second Lieutenants or Ensigns in a commanding role.

They are well prepared for their roles after stringent training at the academies which is augmented by the teamwork and discipline exercised on the gridiron. Game plans formulated and executed on the playing field are analogous to battle plans. The camaraderie and the bond forged during the football season by those who wear the Army and Navy football uniform are like that enjoyed by those who wear the country’s uniform. Both bonds usually last a lifetime.

The game can also create bonds of a different nature. My father, who had a lifelong love of West Point, took me to many Army football games as a child and the pageantry and spirit on display made such an impression on me that I applied for admission. Only a fractured spine from an accident kept me from realizing my dream of attending, but I still watched every Army-Navy game with my father since 1964. Today was the first time I watched the game without him as he passed away this summer. The game was something special that we shared and it was strange to experience it without him. What made it even more difficult for me was that today would have been my father’s 90th birthday.

 

 

 

 

 

Mommy Guilt

/ Kids, Life, Love, Work / 0 comment

My husband and I recently celebrated 30 years together . Funny how I think that time stood still yet time flew by. Sometimes I feel like I am this entity that has messed everything up – like would have, should have and then, I remember, I did everything okay.  What is often said about mommy guilt is true, no matter what you do, you are definitely sure you screwed up your kid’s life.

It used to be that women wanted to have it all – those who influenced my generation were people like Gloria Steinhem, Shirley Chisholm, and to a smaller extent, Oprah Winfrey. But my personal role model was my mother, who made everything fun yet always believed in me and my father who, no matter how busy building his own law and political career, always seemed to stop when we ran into the room.  He also taught me to be a voracious reader from an early age. When kids my age were reading Nancy Drew,  I started on the Presidents and their families (probably because of his involvement in politics) and then moved onto the great industrialists. I read everything about the “big families”, the Vanderbilt’s, Mellon’s, Carnegie, Astor, Duke, Morgan, Rockefeller, Stanford, Flagler, Frick, Hilton and so many more.  I was particularly fascinated about how so many of their wives also became strong arms to their business entities. My dad always got a kick out of me knowing so much about all these families and how these companies grew.  I still remember going into our small-town library with it’s musty smell reading about these great business leaders. Trust me, I was just as interested in reading about Mrs. Astor’s First Four-Hundred as the reasons for the boom of Florida (via Flagler, Plant and Chipley).

Running a company was empowering. Wanting to “be the boss of my booth”, as my then- 6-year-old son whose concept of business was a 15×30 foot booth at the Jacob Javits Center where you were in charge, was what drove me. My father was a strong influence in my life – not for the patience that he showed us when he got home from work but from the deals and the meetings that he would have and how he could remember everyone’s name. It also felt as the time we spent with him as a busy father was very heartfelt.  I wrapped up what he taught me, what my then 60’s values were growing up and translated it into the business I have now.  I used to tell my employees that having the chance to run over to their children’s school play was just as important as getting deliveries out, embracing your kid home from college by taking off an extra day or two was exactly what they needed to have a profound effect on their child’s well-being.  All the while, I don’t know how I “picked” such a great husband but I am so lucky to have chosen the prefect compliment to my strengths and one that had no difficulty taking a back seat to my strong personality while still maintaining his.

My son, the oldest, also pursued a career in entrepreneurship. He went to business school and I will never forget, he asked me once, “Mom, why do you do this day in and day out?” My answer was simple. “I love it Billy, I love being the boss of my booth”. For the most part, it is fun and interesting and empowering. But it takes a special spouse to put up with it. Like my aunt who owned one of the largest dance schools in the east coast, I always wondered, did my Uncle Johnny mind being called Mr. Marcia? Its the same thing for me too. How do couples work together everyday without killing each other? Still show respect at the end of the day, especially when the woman is the boss? How did these things affect my children? I always worried, would they adjust to strong women or hate them?

I suffered from so much mommy guilt as if I didn’t give my two children enough of me and now that I am this “empty nester”, I realize, I gave them so much.  These two great kids also gave me more. Working for myself has been hard at times and infrequently a strain on our marriage.  But the one thing I know, even though I was positive that I destroyed my kids life at times with the long hours and role reversal, I enriched theirs by giving them a strong role model for women.  I am beginning to see that what they learned is, that to be in love, is to find a partner who is just that – a partner.  Someone to share decisions with, even when it is not easy to express the opposite opinion – to work out the kinks in daily life and to change the idea of normal roles for a mom and dad – these were the things that were important for my husband and I to teach our children.  I think this valuable lesson about having the right partner, I learned, made it easier to deal with my tremendous mommy guilt.  Photo c2009

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Family Weddings and Thoughts

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My niece was recently married. That’s the Fairytale.  I really admired some of the beautiful touches she chose (most, if not all, she actually made) and couldn’t get over how much she used Pinterest to plan her wedding.  Her dad built the arbor just in time!!

i loved LOVED LOVED their save the date card!

Save the Date card

I brought my camera and admittedly my photos were terrible but the photographer captured my two sons and from this, I can’t help but think of all of the “moments”.  All the times as kids the cousins shared times together.  There wasn’t a Halloween that we didn’t schlep down to western NJ to go through their favorite places until my brother’s kids were just too grownup to go.  These 5 cousins spent so much time together that my oldster’s name for his aunt was mamjoanne which was a mush of mom, aunt, and Joanne.  We’d unwrap Christmas gifts at their house, showing up in PJ’s and shared many birthdays together.  They were so close that I did manage to share my boy’s feelings when their “sis-cuz” walked down the aisle.

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First, the wedding occurred the weekend of Hurricane Joaquin and it was, of all things, a planned outside-tent wedding.  Thankfully the winds subsided as the hurricane skirted the east coast and except for the sides of the tent breathing quite heavily, it was pretty cozy in the tent.  Pegeen Flower Girl Dress Style 414

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outdoor wedding

outdoor wedding

infant flower girl dress by Pegeen.com

outdoor wedding

outdoor wedding

outdoor wedding

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The weddings keep coming too! Recently another nephew announced his engagement and this time it’s to be on The Jersey Shore during Labor Day weekend! Woot! I can smell the lobsters and clam bake now!!

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Halloween and Christmas Decorations

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Halloween 2014I remember when I was a newly wed, my husband and I went to my parents house to set up their Christmas Tree.  It was just prior Christmas and my husband said that he really thought we should enjoy the holiday more. So from that year on, the day after Halloween is a huge day for us – with the tradition of bringing our decorations out. We start small, first bringing the decorations back to the attic and taking down just one or two of the boxes but the past couple of years, now that I have one so far away in college, we started right then.  So wish me luck as we begin to do it all, including the Christmas tree.  Why not – its always so beautiful with the lights.  I will let you know how it goes tomorrow.  Then it’s off to freezing cookie dough!

Remembering Nana

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When I was a little girl growing up, my siblings and I got to visit my Nana’s once a week.  She and Bop (my grandfather) also took me frequently to dance lessons and I absolutely adored my time with my grandmother.  She had this really pretty skin and a funny laugh and I was proud to be her namesake (along with my cousin Peggy).  Nana had that even-kind of personality and had all the time in the world for her many grandchildren. It’s funny what you remember the best about them.

They also had the most fascinating spoons that were faceted which we would use when we had pudding (which was frequently) out of their Fiesta tableware that my aunt stupidly pitched in the 1970’s (holy cow the value of that Fiesta Ware alone could put a kid through medical school).  My sisters and I would fight over the turquoise bowls and to this date they are still my favorite color to collect.  They always had coke bottles for us when we visited and this really scarey (copy) Picasso.  Don Draper would be proud how their home on Howard was decorated and we shared many good times at their home – from St. Patrick Day parties to times hanging the original 1950’s bubble lights on their Christmas Tree.

Well today, 4th of July, marks the death of Nana, who decided NOT to go out quietly like a good Irishman, and although my brother will know year certain, I believe it was in 1979.  At the time I was in college finishing my senior year, in the Rockies and I remember that night, walking outside the place where I was tending bar, watching the fireworks when I heard the news.  It was a sad night for me being a thousand miles from home but being in Colorado, the night was clear and the stars numbered in the millions.  I secretly said to myself that I could never see fireworks again without thinking of her and being here just minutes from Disney where fireworks are an every day event, that promise has not gone unfulfilled.

Last night, my husband and I saw the fireworks at Magic Kingdom – as they have a fantastic double display to celebrate the 4th and recorded the following video.  Tonight we go to Epcot to see the display there – which are filled with wonderful music celebration and both nights at least a 25 minute show.  Nana, you have some incredible grandchildren and great grand children and quite a few double greats. For those of us who were privileged to truly know her, likely from cousin Teddy and up, you made all of our lives special.  Your children, our parents, were so much fun as they all inherited the twinkle of mischievousness that you owned so well.  From you, they taught us kindness and compassion, love of country and of family.  I am so grateful that I was blessed to know you through my college days, though your last few years, like many, you were plagued with dementia.  Thank you for giving me my dad, your unwavering love and devotion to family.  Have a good time up there – and I will be thinking about you because every time I see fireworks I think, that is God celebration your residence.

Fireworks at Disney World

How I kept my kids happy in the summer….without sacrificing my work schedule

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School’s out. Those dreaded words?

How was it possible to run a business, and not go completely insane with children? Don’t get me wrong, I love my kids to death but when they were small, it was difficult to run my company, Pegeen, without going crazy. Somehow, and I am not really sure, it evolved into this wonderful program we called “Mon-Fries” – mostly because my youngest, Ted, loved french fries so much we had to have that spelling. What it involved was theme weeks and planning. And books. Lots and lots of books.

In the beginning of the summer, we would set theme weeks together. There was lots of discussions and ideas – “I want a beach” “Skyscrapers” “Bugs” “Weather” or even something simple like “Fruit”. Once we set our 11 weeks of summer themes I would get black and white marble notebooks that we would draw, scribble and mark up with our ideas. When we would draw in our books to illustrate the ideas we planned, I got an insight into the thinking of my kids minds. We would start our planning sometime in early May since my kids finished school in late June. This helped make those last few weeks of school seem more interesting.

indian summer 1998jpgFINALLY! School was out and for me, it meant being able to have lots of fun with my kids and longer week day hours (8am until midnight instead of 7 or 8). Our “MONS” were filled with trips to the libraries, often different ones, that I would take the kids to or on those rare occasions, I would have their sitters take them. It was easy for both of my kids to get lost in the library so each week there was a theme…. like a week about fish. But these days were filled with “mommy what’s that word? (Jonah)” or “Look at this, look at this” (drawings). Not that I only worked 5 days a week (I worked 7) but starting on Mondays, based on their ages, and through out the summer, it would be a week of One-Fish-Two-Fish or as they were older, making lures, or books on how machines were made and Richard Scarey and yes even Harry Potter themed weeks which we all loved.

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Throughout the week, we would find projects for them to do, or rent a movie based on the theme, read their books and make artwork. Most of these projects they were able to do on their own. I had a sitter who came to my home as we lived over our business, and she would help out as a momma’s helper. I’d feature their best or favorites on the office landing so they could admire them each time they ran in and out (and in and out) of the basement door, until it was the FRIES in Friday…. where the week would top off at their reward trip. So, for fish week, we went to the Camden (NJ) Aquarium, and the beach week we took them to Sandy Point (one year to the nude beach by accident, duh), and for machine week we went to this awesome museum in Bethlehem, PA called the National Museum of Industrial History. Fruit week was always fun and messy, because there is so much you can do with fruit (make jam, freezies, pick berries) but our favorite was “Help Daddy Build a Deck and Install an Above Ground Pool” – which was hard work but we all grew into professionals that week.

Now that the kids are college and beyond, it’s about coordinating the car to get them to work although we live so close to Disney they get to their summer jobs pretty quickly. I miss those summers and live through my friends telling me, “Urgh, Summer vacation started” and I am so envious of the time where we lived for our “Mon-Fries.”

 

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